the festive month

Hello bloggers,

Boy, it has been one hectic month and now the holidays are here! Unfortunately, this Christmas isn't so white and just plain cold; Christmas lights are dispersed as some houses did not bother to put up the lights this year. However, like every Christmas, I make it my favourite holiday as it becomes a time for generosity, peace and baking. I will save you the long post about how much I have learned this year and how I have grown but I do want to say that the acceptance of my life has been the theme this year. I have definitely changed a lot and I assure everyone that I will continue to do so. I will continue to be humble and become a more giving person. I intend to maintain relationships and commit to activities.

I hope all you bloggers out there have had a wealthy year, full of opportunities. May the new year bring you more happiness and positive changes. Happy holidays everyone!

Cheers,
-t

p.s. I have photos to post but I'll leave that for one gigantic photo post. Instead, here's one of me knitting. Hah!

Keep it coming

As some of you may know, I volunteer at a rehabilitation centre and I specifically work with patients who have had major brain injuries and strokes. Sometimes there are slow days where I walk around and there are only a few patients who need some attention. However, each time I go back, I am reminded of how lucky I am to be walking, eating with my hands and anything else we take for granted.  I am rewarded with a feeling of appreciation, as the nurses and patients loudly express how nice I am to give me time up to spend time with them and help them out wherever I can. And as selfish as this sounds, I am so happy to hear those compliments.

Today, I was introduced to a new patient who had memory problems. He was sarcastic and didn't have much to say; he stared at me like I was an annoyance more than anything else. But being stubborn and patient, I broke him. He started to listen to me and would open up a little bit more. By the end of my shift, I had him smiling at me all the time and I understood his odd sense of humour--it felt so good.

And at the end of the day, I know I have made a small difference--and that is all that matters.

Eggplant Spinach Lasagna

Initially a joke, I had promised a friend to make eggplant spinach lasagna--that was two weeks ago. However, I try my best to keep all promises, no matter how long they may take me. So naturally, I knew my first attempt at lasagna was in the near future. I finally got the courage to give it a go this morning and you know what? It wasn't so bad! The preparation took the longest, layering was a little too much fun and I may have added extra, extra cheese to it but hey, it looks pretty delicious if you ask me. My family is going to bake it for dinner tonight and hopefully I can drop off a small slice for my friend. Afterall, someone has to taste it before I give it to him right?!

Yes, I cheated and used canned tomato sauce.

The finished product!

Cheers,
-t

Tomato Basil Pesto Flake Pastry

I finally gave this recipe a try but rather than using a puff pastry, I decided to try a flake pastry. If I were to make this again, I think I would wrap it a bit better and perhaps add a few more tomatoes inside. Other than that, it was extra crispy and the basil pesto and tomatoes combined made for one tasty treat!

Cheers,
-t

Snippets

I've been so caught up with a whole bunch of academic and personal plans, I nearly forgot to upload the few photos I have taken of the meals I have made so far.  The other night, I decided to make a chicken salad; taking one glance at the leftovers in the fridge, I knew this would be one easy meal to make. I sliced up a bunch of green peppers, threw in some tomatoes, seasoned and grilled a chicken breast and grated some cheese on top and I made myself a delicious--and easy--meal! I paired it with a bottle of Shiraz and I knew I had a good night ahead of me.

And knowing that I had a family Thanksgiving dinner to go to, I wanted to bring a little something so I found this recipe online and gave it a go. Needless to say, it was a huge hit, and everyone loved it.

It's been rough but cooking things for myself makes things a little more bearable. Perhaps it is because you put a lot of effort into it and the outcome is selfishly rewarding (not to mention, you cure that growling stomach of yours!).

Cheers,
-t

moments

the subtle touch on my back as you walk by,
your grin lights your bright blue eyes
naked and exposed,
the way you walk across the room
your hands move slowly across my stomach,
caressing my ass
we are still, dark in the night.
I hear your soft groans as I place my hands
on your stomach.
Your rough beard brushes against
my lips,
neck,
shoulder,
cheek.
I smell the faint scent of cigarettes,
weed,
whiskey,
candles,
on your skin.

And sitting on your couch, we listen to your passion.
We exchange songs,
judge our own lives
settle for nothing but more
and explore our minds.
Praises,
disappointments;
we let ourselves go.
And Cosmo is near
watching human interaction
Curiosity remains.

Our laughs are in sync as you feed me your food
driving along the late night streets,
the driver believes we are happy
together,
wonderful,
whole.

These moments do not last,
but engrained in our memories.
we feel and love,
think and swallow
our purest thoughts.

Family can be so much more

This is just so darn adorable.

You see the way she looks at her dad? Gosh darn it.

Firsts: Asian Pesto Japanese Noodles

I apologize for the lack of posts! Thing's have been rather hectic and the fine balance between work, volunteer and a social life is rather difficult to handle. And now that I am home alone for the next two weeks, what better time to try new recipes? I admit, I am not known to be the chef in the household but I do enjoy it--I swear. Last night a friend of mine came over to accompany me for dinner and we decided to make this delicious Asian pesto noodle dish. I think I may have put in a little too much soy sauce but nonetheless it turned out better than I expected!

Yum?
I'll be trying more recipes throughout the next couple days so I'll be posting here more often. Stay tuned ladies and gentlemen.

Cheers,
-t

Laid

She laid there quietly, smiling, as she watched him gently wipe it off her stomach. They laughed as he wiped the last bit and stretched out beside her. They faced each other as they whispered secrets to each other while holding each other close. She was speaking with a tremble in her voice as she tried to express her feelings; he listened intently as he stared at her watering eyes. He paused before he spoke and propped his head up with one arm. He replied with certainty and told her to keep living, keep moving and never stop dreaming. He told her his stories of family, friends and aspirations.

He left the bed and walked over to the couch, naked. She leaned on the back of the couch as she watched his slow, graceful movements. They sipped their red wine and smoked a joint, building their friendship through strings of stories and emotions. He picked up his guitar and sung songs of heartbreak and yearning. She closed her eyes as she listened to his low, rough voice speak of true stories. Opening her eyes, she watched the subtle movements of his back muscles move with the strumming of his guitar. She watched him carefully, as he laid the guitar back down and slipped back into bed. She laid her head on his outstretched arm as she carefully placed her hand over his heart and dwelled in the silence within the apartment.

____________________________________________________________________

 She woke up to the soft sunlight which leaked in from the tops of the dark curtains. She turned to face him and studied his face; he had his long brown eyelashes, a crooked nose and small lips. The sound of breathing filled the room as he began to stir; his eyelids opened to reveal those bright blue eyes. Awake, but groggy,he immediately pulled her in towards him with one arm and he traced her hip bone with his finger. She placed one hand on his chest as she pressed her lips against his--no words were exchanged. She felt him grow and their hands fell to all the right places as they continued to kiss.

They walked to the couch and sat down as they conversed over minute things. He lit a cigarette and she watched the white smoke hover in the air, slowly moving towards her. He took another drag and offered it to her. She took it willingly and she parted her lips for a quick drag. Again, silence filled the room as they communicated through stares, touches and smiles.

It was a beautiful tragedy.

Therapy Session

Hello bloggers!

I truly apologize for being rather inactive these several weeks; school is really stressful and I barely have time to pick up my camera. However, I recently spent a bit of time to quickly shoot some self portraits. I have always been fascinated with the human body; every curve is beautiful and while we all have similar (if not the same) body parts, we are all so different. Unfortunately, I have always had some self-esteem problems, especially when it came to my body but I am beginning to accept myself for who I am (and for what I possess). Thus, these photos are very personal and represent self-growth and discovery; they represent acceptance and acknowledgement.

I am in the talks of beginning a small photography series with a friend so hopefully that will turn out well. In the meantime, love and accept every curve, every angle and every mark on your body.

cheers,
-t

Lessons to be Learned

Carissa Rae ft. Michael Alvarado - Sway (cover)

Sorry for the lack of better posts. It seems like these days pass by with no distinct markers to help me differentiate one day from the next. Lately, it has been a bit of a struggle for me to be productive because I seem to have hit a small rut. Emotionally, I am feeble and longing for something so much more. As much as I hate to admit it, I have been more than lonely; it is that nagging empty feeling deep within that echoes within my ribcage. 

I am learning a hard lesson in love. 

What is it about me that makes me too readily for love? Too easy to forgive and too hard to release? I am full of love and compassion but I need the right reasons to put forth that love. I put too much energy into one person and wind up exhausted. I have not learned from previous lessons because I am eager; young and naive, I jump forward without looking and quickly feel fear mid-leap. The overwhelming nervousness fuels my actions as I desperately try to gain back that control I gave away. 

But I am trying nonetheless.  I promise, I will never stop loving and work on self compassion.

Cheers,

-t

10/11/2011

She was entranced with the sound of his voice; the way he looked at her from across the table kept her frozen in one spot. He seemed so relaxed, leaning into the back of his chair as the others continued to speak. It was when the others spoke did they communicate through stares and subtle smiles. She felt her breathing become more relaxed—progressively slower—as she lit another cigarette. Her small fingers spun the lighter around as she interjected their conversation with a few good words. Time passed by with each lit cigarette and growing number of pint glasses. Her interest for the man sitting across from her continued to grow as he sat there listening intently. And when she passed something to him, their hands ever so gently touched and she shivered deep within. 

The gentlemen slowly dispersed and they migrated over to another foreign table. They sat next to each other, like partners in crime. She listened closely as the group conversed over beer, mixed nuts and more cigarettes. It was then did he turn to her quite suddenly, initiating their own private conversation amidst the loud chatter around them. She noticed the full turn of his body as he brought up the topic of nanotechnology which led into their thoughts on life and death. He was a strong believer in living; she was a firm believer in enjoying the process of dying. He talked with ease as he used his hands to help get his point across. They slowly forgot about the people around them, becoming fully immersed in their own thoughts. At that point into the night, she had relaxed with him; her shoulders had dropped, her back slightly slouched and she made full eye contact—very unsual for her.

Their departure from the bar was quiet as she slipped past him, unsure of the next move. She opened the door to clear skies, a quiet street with only a few taxis zooming along the road. She felt glorious in that moment. Like she had released a new part of herself; one she had built herself that very night and she could not help but smile as she slowly walked away. She was at the corner of the street when she turned around,  pivoting on her boot heel and she saw him walk out and look around. She knew what—or who—he was searching for. She smiled again as she took a step towards his direction. Instinctively, he turned his head to the left and she felt his radiating smile as they walked towards each other. 

Standing in front of him, she took careful note of the laugh lines peeking through his ginger facial hair. And the moonlight only highlighted his lively eyes. Little words were exchanged and she sensed what was to come. But he pulled a surprise on her: he leaned forward and kissed her gently on the cheek. He pulled away and stood there unsure of her reaction. Her, in her old sweater, with her scarf dangling off her neck and eyes transfixed on his face. She heard her soft breathing, felt her heart give a flutter, as she gave her approval in the form of a small smile.

She did not know what else to do that night. All she was capable of doing was smile and head home. She knew nothing else. Walking, she felt lighter, the air smelled cleaner and the streetlights seemed to be more dim, unveiling the stars which led her home. 

.

Something Corporate - Konstantine

This song. Tonight. 

I met someone today who helped me come to the realization that no one is stopping me but myself. My fears hold me back and suddenly it is one big script in my head. There is nothing genuine about it and I detest myself for it. How do I break an old habit made to save me from getting hurt? And now this habit has done nothing but hurt me. I need redemption; I want to prove to myself that I am capable of carrying through. I only hope it is not too late. It is time for a change.

Some changes are necessary.

-t

untitled - part one

Slippery and smooth,
as it slides between,
my bony fingers.
Edges line up as,
it slowly shrinks,
leaving me with an,
unrecognizable form.
A repetitive process.


And those days pass by,
as the sun casts shadows of the present,
my fingers weave and fold,
through the patterned sheets.
I am a creator,
stringing hope on thin lines,
to believe in
truth and humanity. 


I hang them all,
watching them spiral and
wave back and forth.
Effort fills their lungs
keeping them afloat as,
we defy gravity.
Memories are my future and they
are my forever past. 

october 3rd

Today has been very quiet. I feel like I have been silenced by my own thoughts and emotions; like so many events have made me appreciate life so much more and have touched my heart that I am unable to fully describe--in words--just how I feel. Strange isn't it? Has anyone else felt this way before? I wonder.

The weather here in the city has been very gray and chilly lately. Despite that, I have been content for the most part. I have been spending a lot of my free time alone, trying to comprehend this quiet, foreign state I have been in. As a result, jazz and caffeine are the only things that have been accompanying me these evenings alone.

Now, I have my hands on a bowl of raspberries as I sit here wrapped up in a scarf and leg warmers due to cold toes.
I'm going to give this study session another go. Wish me luck!

Cheers,
-t

+

William Fitzsimmons ft. Priscilla Ahn - I Don't Feel It Anymore

I leave smudges,

as I press my hands on glass.

Peering in and,

daydreaming of you.

Just alive in,

a golden haze,

and we breathe in slow. 

Nothing ever grows. 

In the midst of the slow music, warm lighting and wrapped in my blankets, tonight I feel like I belong.
October is here at last; the most romantic month I could possibly ask for and I am determined to make it my own.

Cheers,
-t

Friday Blessing

I have seen countless people who have burst into tears out of nothing more than happiness and I always wondered if that was a normal reaction. Today I found my answer: yes. Yes a thousand times because I am sitting here, typing this post, as I wipe my smudged mascara from underneath my eyes. Yes, as I recall this early afternoon and yes, as I close my eyes and picture my mother.

Today marks my first day volunteering at an outpatient exercise program where participants have suffered from a stroke, brain injury or are diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and have been discharged from either a hospital or rehabilitation centre. It is a program aimed to have participants engage in exercise to strengthen their balance and walking while having the opportunity to interact with others. This program acts as a bridge to help former patients ease back into their former lives while still getting the exercise they need to achieve their everyday tasks.  Coincidentally, one of the instructors who runs the program is also involved in the aquatic programs run by the city (which is where I work part time too).  What a small world! It was really nice to see a familiar face and instantly I felt a little more comfortable with running one of the exercise stations.  All in all, my first day went incredibly smoothly and I was so thrilled to have gotten to converse with most of the patients there. They were all sweethearts and the determination they had was incredible! It was very touching, especially the three women who had multiple sclerosis. To see them gather every ounce of strength they had to complete the exercises was great and somehow, it comforted me and instilled more faith in my mother.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Quick sketch of him, and a vanilla latte (I couldn't resist!)

_____________________________________________________________________________________

We bumped into each other at the bus stop and we began to converse in all things related to Kinesiology--it was really nice. And the more we talked, the more I realized that he was not who I thought he was. I admit, my first impression of him was far from pleasant; he seemed arrogant and...well, for a lack of a better word, bitchy. But I do take that back. He reminded me that sometimes, it is worth to get to know the person a little better before brushing them off as scum.  Talking to him reminded me of all the right things I am doing in life. Again, it was a bit like self-confirmation? And while he probably doesn't think much of me, I do admire his leadership abilities and his confidence.  

Today has served more than a restoration in humanity. This Friday has opened new doors for me and I feel so good. 

So fucking good. 

Cheers,

-t

Late Birthday Post

Last Sunday I turned 21 years old. I never had the chance to truly say how much I enjoy growing and learning with every day. I continue to learn so much about the people around me and with that knowledge, I have learned to grow on my own. I take from those who I admire and create a better self.

Needless to say, the past several years have been a huge eye-opener; from needing to mend close relations to buckling down with school, I have come to a point in my life where I cherish every challenge, every enemy and every ounce of frustration because without all of that, I simply would not be able to believe.

To sum things up, I would love to share with you one photo which, I feel, sums up that celebratory night:

photo credit: Ms. Kate Rogers

And yes, I am only average and enjoy my small wild nights.

Cheers,
-t

p.s. The man standing in the photo? A great, great man.

a new home for old words

Hello all,

I've become accustomed to this site and what a difference it is from Wordpress. I do not dare badmouth Wordpress but I do believe this site seems to be more user friendly for the ones who are hopeless with HTML, and I finally have the post template I have been yearning for. (It only took me a year or so...) However, I digress. I hope that I will love and cherish my blog more than ever now that I have the ease at which I can customize my posts and overall aesthetics of my blog. And I hope that readers will continue to tune in every once in a while.

Cheers to finding a new home for my future thoughts,
-t

Celebration

Since school has started, it has been one hectic ride. Fortunately, I have amazing friends who plan the best therapeutic adventures. As a consequence, I am suffering from withdrawal of fine dining and continuous laughter! While we are all growing up quickly and paving the way to our separate futures, time has stretched and strained our relationship but has yet to break it. I am thankful for today; our ability to strengthen our relationship through our differences is a blessing.  After today, I realized that you cannot take friends for granted, special occasions are to be celebrated and iced soy lattes tickle my stomach. 

This smoked Montreal meat sandwich was massive, but scrumptious.

At the Crema Cafe.

On accident: he was bringing over the rest of the jasmine tea.

.

Cheers,
-t

thoughts (fall)

The summer has passed and it seems like we’ve moved onto different lives. Humid summer days are long gone and cooler sunny days have arrived. New (and lingering) people arrive with the breeze as it brings in new chances and familiar feelings.

Busy days bring about careful planning and appreciated company. Rapid daylight contrasted with drawn out evenings. We curl up in thick sweaters and wool socks; fingers curled around large porcelain mugs, or the stem of wine glasses, allowing time to pass in a hazy daze. Our hair falls over our eyes  as we breathe out white smoke, our skin skin smells of cinnamon, candles scents, other herbs and coal. We make distinct sounds of rubber hitting concrete as us city dwellers travel along the streets.

These changes are slow and creep up on this large city. Sometimes too busy to acknowledge the change in seasons, we forget how to adjust. How can one even adapt if one does not expect? We breathe, in and out; in, out, in, out. But do we breathe with ease, or are the breaths short and rapid? Merely gasps.

We always forget the things we ought to never forget.

James Vincent McMorrow

Last night I had the privilege to see James Vincent McMorrow perform. I really wasn’t sure what to expect but he proved to be another talented artist. He hit every high note beautifully and you could hear and see the passion he has for his music. Though he seemed a little stiff at times, he still sang the crowd into an Irish trance. His band members were also nothing short of spectacular and you could see that they were one big family; always poking fun at each other and looking out for each other.  And not to sound too fan girl-like, but on top of being a spectacular artist, he has a great sense of humour—he really got the crowd laughing several times!
Anyways, here are a few photos from last night. I apologize for the lack of quality but I hate using flash at these small venues. I dislike the idea of distracting or blinding the performers! (click photo for a larger view)





On another note, maybe some of you guys have noticed that I’m slowly transforming my blog into more of a photo blog as well as a place for words. I hope to continue with this slow, but definite change despite this semester’s schedule. Hope you guys stick around!
-t

Nostalgic Saturday

Lately, I have been making routine visits to Starbucks; this morning was no different.

Met up with an old high school friend and decided to read, draw and so forth on the second floor patio of a Starbucks in our neighbourhood. Needless to say, I took some photos to remind me that it is alright to slow down and relax a little in between my hectic schedule. (click photos for larger image)

Can you spot the bee?!

Her name is J.

Have a sunny Saturday!

-t

Friday: Day Off

It must be my lucky day today because the weather this past week has been cool and cloudy. However, today has been nothing but beautiful and what better way to spend my day off then to wander the city? I started my Friday off with a caramel macchiato, accompanied with a chapter of "Sport Psychology for the Athletic Trainer: Roles and Scope of Practice"--no joke. I proceeded downtown to browse the bookstore and ended up with Haruki Murakami's After Dark and Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five. Both of which I am excited to read despite the ridiculous amount of reading I already have for school.

Sometimes, I need a period of time to myself where I can allow my instincts to drive me to specific places; to slow down and absorb everything, taking pictures of the small details and rediscover faith in humanity. Sometimes, all I need is a few hours of silence to assure myself that everything will be alright. With that said, here are a few pictures from today's venturing.

Hope everyone's having a great Friday as well!

-t