Friday, May 28, 2010


This morning I realized that I am ready to step away from you. It still hurts sometimes to know that I was tricked into thinking you liked me but as they say, "life goes on". I am starting to understand that I can no longer take this too personally. I used to question what went wrong and who's fault it was but the truth is, I've gone through it enough times to know that I can't always put the blame on one person. In this case, it was probably a case (haha, a "case") of misunderstanding.

The time I have taken to think things through, I've begun to do something I haven't done in a very long time. That is, I am beginning to appreciate myself. I lost a lot of self esteem and self respect along the way and now, I am starting to love me for me. I am learning to accept the way I look, the way I am. I guess you could say I am starting to fall in love with myself all over again--with myself and with life.

It's about time to just let go of the individuals who have hurt me in the past and move forward. I will never forget them because they helped shape me so in a way I should thank them. I can't quite describe how I've been feeling lately. I've just been feeling older, more mature and yet, there is something growing within me.

It's just so weird.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Love yourself.

Life is beautiful when I'm alone.

I pretend that my life is a silent film with the radio playing out my summer soundtrack.
I like to dress up like I'm about to meet the special man in my life.
My toes are dirty from tiptoeing outside and dancing around like a ballerina.
The sun loves me as it provides me with summer warmth; it spreads across my skin and gives me those comfortable goosebumps.

I wish I was alone more often.
I wish I was in love.

Monday, May 10, 2010


Faint sunlight seeped through the window (it slowly awakened my sense).
It was a morning of new beginnings and yesterday's worries.

I woke up to my own reflection.

I've been waking up late, waking up blank.
I don't feel not-right. Just different.
Not happy, not sad and nowhere in between.
I love my life but I'm yearning for more.
While I know what I want in life, I am confused by certain emotions.

I wish I was brave enough to love with every bone in my body.

I have secrets I want to tell (but I'd be betraying myself).
They're small ones that hide in the small crevices of your brain.
Sometimes you forget they are there.
Some days they are restless and come out in search for something to scratch on.
I am itching.

I love but it's disguised as hate.
Most don't understand.

I want to keep a sunny disposition.

I cannot make small talk with him.
My heart is too heavy for casual conversations.
I think that is the problem.
I've been biting my tongue for so long (there's no blood).

Friday, May 7, 2010

Going against all odds.

I told myself over and over to resist yet, I gave in.
I wanted answers badly because the summer is here and I needed to move on.
So I went for it.

Turns out...sometimes it's best to follow your heart and go after what you want in life.

This is definitely a note to self.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Ambulatory EEG

the unexpected

It doesn't hurt or anything (it only hurt a bit when she put them on). It's rather annoying though and quite itchy.