Saturday, June 9, 2012


Currently feeling sleepy from last night's event, I sit here and wonder about my life experiences. They have led me to this point in my life and it feels so surreal at times. As John Mayer's new album plays in the background, I am writing today with a heavy heart and nostalgic mind. Troubles feel lighter, but hover in the air, like early morning fog. I don't recall alcohol tasting so bitter. It has never made me feel saddened by life but now, it has become a reminder of my past troubles with it; I was turned into a shameful small creature--it was my best (and only) crutch. But that was then, and this is now.

The faint aroma of jasmine incense helps me concentrate. I am overwhelmed with a feeling of heaviness. My emotional load keeps me grounded but it has not been too much of a burden. Because I have let myself slip multiple times, I have learned that the best cure (for me) is to let my emotions run their course. Resistance only causes more tension and counteracts the very reason for the emotions which arise in certain situations. Sometimes I feel like I am learning too much in such a short period of time that it hurts to feel all the conflicting emotions boiling within.  But one can only learn to be wise, to follow your instincts and believe that there is purpose in every breath made.