A strange and curious realization

Yesterday morning was slow and romantic.

I woke up to the man I have liked for over a year; we were lucky enough to have been able to spend our two month anniversary together; it was my second time staying over at his apartment. It was only six o'clock in the morning when I was woken up by him sliding back under the covers. I mumbled a quick 'morning' before I slowly opened my eyes to him staring at me. I rubbed my eyes and smiled. He smiled back.

It was not long before we began to talk about our adventures the night before. I was so thrilled that he had a fun time with my friends. He was happy that he was finally able to meet them. Silence strung each small conversation together. He stared deep into my eyes and I felt that deep admiration from him. I blushed and looked at his freckled right shoulder.

He has always told me that he liked me (a lot) and that he was infatuated with me. I always knew I liked him more than any other man I have seen. And perhaps I had not realized the depth of our relationship and the impact we had on each other until he uttered "I am falling for you". When the words slowly slipped out between his lips, I stared right at him. I let out a nearly inaudible sigh. I was a bit lost in its context. I unsure of whether that was another way of saying I really like you. But when he clarified and added, "I am falling in love with you" my heart expanded and my mind drew a blank in my sleepy, slow state. I cleared my throat and kissed him--my way of letting him know how I felt. And I kissed him again and again and, again.

It wasn't until this morning did I realize that I, too, am falling in love with him.
The first time I met him, we had a great connection. I felt it. He knew it.
And after over a year of small run-ins, we have come to the strange and curious realization that we are in fact, in love.

Lazy Sunday

This morning was a pleasant one; woken up by a humorous text message from a dear friend, it had started out positive and sweet. Each day, I am finding myself falling in love with life's little gifts. I feel blessed. This morning, I watched the sky turn from grey to a bright sunny yellow; it filled the kitchen with this powerful energy, as it began to lightly snow. It was incredible to watch.

My baby succulents are beginning to grow again too. I was afraid that they would not last this winter but they are thriving and looking healthier than ever. And as this Sunday slowly passes, I am grateful for being strong, independent and rational (for the most part). And while I was disappointed that I will not be able to see him today, I am still smiling because I know these all are a part of life.

Wishing you all a peaceful and lazy Sunday.

Cheers,
-t

Re-Learning

Practicing yoga reminds me that happiness is not to be found; it is to be created.
There is no reason to define happiness either. It is what it is: a positive feeling, felt and produced by the body's response to the absolute infinite and nothingness.

Another Beginning

The start of this year has been nothing short of busy. Ironically, I have found myself more busy without school in the picture. As a result, my blog has been neglected but I'm striving for regular updates as many things are in the midst of changing.

The transition into the new year has been a subtle one; I guess I was anticipating a clear and definite sign to mark the new year but that was definitely not the case. In ways, I am glad there is no drastic change to create a distinct marker between one year and the next as transitions are probably smoother when they are gradual. I entered the new year with the start of positive relationships and I am very grateful for this. My positive influence on the family has been helping to build a more trusting and open relationship with my parents. My new relationship with the gentleman has been  slow but nothing short of spectacular. He has surprised me with his support and I am very content with our continuing journey together.

In addition to these environmental changes, my own spiritual growth has been helping me through rough, violent times. I have cried tears of fear and sadness but that does not mean I am any weaker. In fact, to allow my body to let its natural emotional response to occur, I have become a stronger person. I feel free to choose which emotions I want to take over me (if any at all) and that realization alone has made me a better person. I recently stumbled upon this quote by Rita Schiano:

"Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys." 

 

I read this over and over and over again before I realized that this was what I was trying to do all along. My focus on the pain in life only held me back; it became a constant which was holding me back from what I could feel, or what I could potentially feel. We all have a choice, some more obvious than others, but in the end, we have a choice. Maybe not through actions but we can most definitely choose to zone in on the positive, healthy emotions to ease the aches and hardships in life. Tough situations do not last forever, but tough people do.

As for this blog, I'm not sure where this will be going. I had full intentions to make this blog an opportunity to document my life. However, I can't say I have been doing a spectacular job doing so. Being a busy young adult with many life responsibilities, many photographic opportunities slip through my fingers as they flash before my very eyes. However, memories remain and I will try to take advantage of this. With words, I will try to re-live the moments and document them here so that this blog will become a place of nostalgia. So hopefully, I will be updating this blog to help me remember as I continue to learn to live in the present; to simply be.

Cheers,
-t