Saturday, January 29, 2011

the lacking, the missing, the vanished

I still like hearing my name come from his mouth.
I still smile over the fact that I can make him laugh, that he finds me mildly amusing.
I adore the little questions he asks me once in a while.
I like the sound of his laughter and his childish enthusiasm for certain things.
His sense of humour is intriguing and his perspective on things is logical.

There are many questions answered but so many more unanswered. It feels like I’m seeing him more often than before and it makes me nervous. I do not go there anticipating the encounters but it still happens. I am trying my best to let go of these feelings because they are becoming more serious than I ever imagined. Feelings of confusion and frustration lay in between the feelings of happiness and excitement.

I am lost. I do not know what I want. He does not know the small joys he brings to my days and I am slowly growing tired of keeping it a secret. I am not sure whether I adore him or I adore the idea of liking someone; the small games we play and the exchange of smiles. I don’t know anymore.

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