Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Guilt has sharp teeth

Sorry has no meaning anymore. I've said it so many times I've worn it out.

I've turned so cold and heartless that I'm scared. But it just hurts so much I can't bear to hear what has happened because the things I see are perfect reminders of reality. I hate hearing how you fell and how you lost control of your bladder for the third time today. I hear it but I don't cry. I try so hard to put on a brave face. I look like I don't even care.

My heart is cold, my veins are rubber.

I pretend that we're one whole family; I try so hard to make it seem like all this is easy. And on some days, it is easier to digest this truth but then there are days where all this is a nightmare I may never escape. And a part of me knows that the latter is the reality I know I will have to live with. I cannot time travel and escape it, I cannot switch lives with a fortunate individual.

I wish they knew how much I try to hold myself together.

But then again, maybe I don't.

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