It has just been over a month since it has happened. How I managed to endure the emotional strains and the constant reminders? I cannot even answer that because the healing has just begun. I know deep within, that I will always remember what I had done and who was involved. Will this haunt me? I don't think so. However, it will continue to stick with me until the very end. I believe in coping and acceptance. It is something I continue to strive for everyday. No, I do not cry every night anymore nor do I curl into the fetus position and just lie there. I have the energy, the motivation, to go on about my day. I could not feel more blessed to be living the life I am creating. And because I feel so darn grounded these past few days, the emotional struggles feel a little more tolerable and a little less strenuous.
However, I know that as a result my decision, I have isolated myself from many. I have become self-absorbed and felt such a strong desire to find answers and "fix" myself". But I am beginning to see how wrong I am to want to "fix" me. There is no need. Rather, I need more time to heal, and learn that acceptance comes from within. The answers I search for cannot be found: they can only be experienced. Letting myself go is one of the best things I can do for myself. I want nothing more these days then to feel the slow, steady rhythm of my internal healing process.
Treating my body well is the one thing I can focus on.
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