Not Quite Whole

Hello bloggers,

It has been so long since I have updated my blog but many things have kept me from properly posting a blog-worthy post.  These past two months have been a test of inner strength and perseverance, forcing me to believe and have more faith in the self.  But even now, I am (still) full of contradictions and a pattern of incongruent thoughts arise frequently.  However, spirituality has made a large impact on the way I handle life situations.  I am forever grateful for learning how to become more present and allow many minor situations to slide.  I have been taught through my current situation(s) to accept my emotions and embrace it with little or no resistance. Sometimes I struggle to deal with the negative emotions but I do my best. It's always easier said than done isn't it?

I recently stumbled upon the serenity prayer, originally written by Reinhold Niebur:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference."

Acceptance has been such a vital action for me. It has proven to be a healthy decision too.  However, as much as one accepts, it is in that moment of smiling--despite a bitter event--which indicates the reality of my forward motion. Paired with this mentality, I am fortunate enough to have a role model to guide me through rough emotional times. Recently, he has been the one who I would go to to talk about my current state of being. The other day, he asked me how I was and I answered by revealing the various situations I was dealing with.  However, he made me realize that I had not answered how I was. Me. Just me. And that made me think: What is my current emotional state? Do I always consider the effects of others and take it as my own emotional state? It was one of those "ah hah!" moments. And the more I thought about it, the more I understood what he meant. And my answer? I truly don't know. The moment of not understanding your own feelings is pretty frightening.

I still do not have the answers I want but I am on my way to finding them. In the meantime I can only put energy into self-awareness into my own emotions and actions. In the end, the highs and the lows will balance themselves out. That I am sure of.

Namaste.

-t

p.s. Hot yoga, swimming and jogging has really helped the physical and the mental.