I suppose I could have seen it coming but nothing hits you harder than reality itself: when personal worries are solidified through a third party's confirmation.
It felt surreal to sit in a small room and listen to each professional talk to us and the next steps toward treating her disorder. Across from us sat a pediatrician, a nutritionist and last but not least, a psychiatrist. On one side was my sister and on the other, my parents, squished onto one couch. And then I heard his voice tremble, long pauses in between his sentences and I knew what was happening. It was heart-wrenching to see such a strong human being crumble in a matter of seconds. However, it made me understand how badly I want to be there for my family. I could not give up on her and neither could they. The news we received today was shocking--there is no doubt about that--but it also helped me to understand that this is exactly where I need to be in my life. That my purpose consists of being part of the support system she needs. I'm exhausted, drained, flabbergasted yet extremely ready to tackle this new challenge.
Suddenly I see the tangled complexity of the multiple disorders and I know it will not be an easy task to help her untangle such a mess. The emotions will run high, the stress will cause tension and more tears will be produced during this crucial process of recovery but I have faith in her. The very thought of her slipping; imagining her rapidly falling downhill is frightening and only wants me to help her more.
Those with family members diagnosed with anorexia nervosa (AN): I commend you all because this battle is difficult, straining and energy-draining.