They left early this morning and I never had a chance to say goodbye. I hope all goes well even though I don't even know what to expect. I'm so worried and I truly hope everything goes smoothly. An operation is an operation after all.
Everyone is calling and checking up on me to make sure I'll be okay in terms of meals and stuff but I am pushing them away. I appreciate their offer(s) but if I don't ask for help, I truly don't believe I need it. I'd rather tough it out than ask for help from family. I don't know why, I just feel so bitter. I am putting on the best tough face I've got and I've never tried so hard to do so. It's usually easy for me. I feel like I'm breaking and something is missing. Something so big, that its absence is being missed as I type this. It leaves me with some empty feeling I cannot explain. But it's there. I feel it.
I guess I've chosen to be alone and independent for so long that it's starting to get real lonely. I want a hand to hold, a body to hold under the warm sheets away from the cool winter draft. I miss the smile that would make me shiver with excitement and the voice that could lull me to sleep.
I miss many things I've never shared with someone before.
These days, I've been craving for something to happen. Something that will spark a new light within me.
I'd like another beginning.
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