okay.

I just wanted to lie back in bed; i never wanted to get out from under my blanket.
I woke up to rain today and it was beautiful with the murmuring of Christmas songs coming from my radio.
I stared out the window, hair sprawled across my pillow.
The rain reminded me of the tears i want to let go of,
But i am afraid of doing so.
I have been holding back many things these days,
And it hurts to know that the reason why i am biting down on my tongue is because i am too fearful.
I am fearful of the things that haunt my past,
The emotions which dragged me down and
Those that have wrung my trust dry.
So I turned my back away from the window.
I closed my eyes and let everything sink in.

I have not been feeling myself lately.
I just really want to remember what it was like to genuinely be alright (even if being okay is a relative thing).