march 29th, 2010

was the day I found out a small known fact about myself.

I have neuronal migration disorder.

i think i've discovered what a sad hug is

He held me so tight and I felt so small against his strong frame. I felt myself sink into him as I closed my eyes. For a minute I let him hold me; I turned my head ever-so slightly and my lips almost brushed his cheek.

I would do anything to relive that moment,
It was all I needed.

i have a secret

I'm still so shy around you. Doesn't that sound so silly?

Where we stand.

Today I learned that you can keep your word.

You wrapped your arm around my waist and pulled me in, but I barely felt your touch. I was stunned. I wished you had laid your head a little bit longer on my body. The slight weight on my chest felt so right: we breathed together.

I want to find the words to let you know how much I feel.
(I'm selfish because I want to know how you feel about me).
I wish we could have another chance to talk, another night of laughing at our raw, honest lives.

I just want to know who you are.

It makes me squirm, fidget with my fingers.
Strands of hair fall over my eyes,
Making it the perfect excuse to use the palm of my hand to wipe the tears away as I brush my hair back.

Those words hurt a lot--hearing them from her.

note to self (and you)cherish life;

make every moment count with every person you love
don't let your life pass by without making an effort
let those troubles teach you multiple lessons
lessons in crying, tolerance and laughter.

Silence has never been louder.

Guilt and anger creates a a whirlwind of chaos,
I'm hungry for love, full of hidden tears.
The salty tears fool my body.

I'm tired of this.

it's still lingering on my lips

I took it all into my lungs,
then breathed it out,
letting the white smoke creep out of my mouth
brushing my lips.

It felt so right.

I kissed happiness on the cheek.

a bad day

I guess I'm just not having a good ending to a beautiful day.

Things are so stressful right now.
I really hate the way I've been acting towards her but I'm just so angry. I don't believe I'm angry with her per say but at the situation itself.

I hate watching her struggle.
I can't bear to hold up the weight she physically puts on me.
I just want to fall myself some days.

I want to lean on his shoulder,
I want to put my hand on his,
Know what his shirt feels like,
And keep his words locked in my heart.

I'm hurting a lot today.

For the past two weeks, my mind has been overflowing with anxiety.

I cannot sleep.